you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize