When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
40s are totally the cure
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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