Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
