I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
