We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
