You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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