I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
