I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
