I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
