the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize