just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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