Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
