My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
