I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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