I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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