You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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