Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
