Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
