Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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