I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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