chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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