my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
