I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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