Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
the liver wants what the liver wants
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
