I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
