hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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