so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
you made out with another girl for some wings
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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