She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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