Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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