16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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