what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
