And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
