I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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