Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
