My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
