If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
