please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
