He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
