Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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