Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
