They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize