Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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