I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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