I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
