hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize