I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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