Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
