It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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