Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize