wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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