Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
