Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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