Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
