I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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