I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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