I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize