okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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