Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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