Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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