I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize