How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
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