is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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