So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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