I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you win again, gameday.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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