My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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