Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
