We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
