i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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