I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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